- Liz McDonald
10 Reasons the FEAR of Striking out is Keeping you from Playing the GAME!
Updated: Dec 31, 2019
And so, like it is every week, here we are again, Wednesday has arrived! My midweek musing this week is regarding the sheer fear a lot of of us have of Failure! So much fear in fact that its keeping us from even trying in the first place!
This happens anyone from any walk of life, there are so many reasons (I should know, I came up with some of them myself) not to do many things! Fear should never be one of them... and heres why!
I've decided to split the list into two halves as I feel its important to talk about both personal fear and fear in business as your life is constantly interlinked within these two.
First Half - Life and Love.
1. Fear of Perceived Possible Future Heartache.
So you've had the mother of all messy break ups, you gave it your all and you still got shat on... it doesn't inspire much confidence in life and love, I'll concede you that. However, you have to get back on the horse sometime, as the lad said, and that sometime might aswell be now.
Could it happen? Yep, in fact its extremely likely to happen but which is worse, going and trying, not succeeding and trying something else or settling for a boring little life where you never step outside your one designated box in case someone might just crap on you.
You only have one life, and I don't care what age you are, a positive attitude, knowing what you won't stand for and having the conviction to be your own person goes a long way!
In the words of one of my absolute favorite playwrites; "Ever tried. Ever Failed. No Matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better". - Samuel Beckett.
Life is a funny old thing, unfortunately getting hurt is part of that reality, but that can be the most beautiful part because first of all; if you get hurt; you know you're alive and living. And secondly, you know you put yourself out there and took the chance! Did it work? Not this time, Try Again and Fail Better next time.
2. Fear of what Other People Might think.
Hi, you must be Irish! We are reared to be terrified about what anyone might think! God forbid, the neighbours might look down on you...
Here's a tip, fuck the neighbours, they're either your fan or they're not! You will never convince someone to like you until you stop trying, then they'll be intrigued.
The majority of the time, it is generally fueled by jealously of some description, that is of course, if they bother to give a shit about you at all my friend. Sorry to tell you but you and your life is more than likely 30 seconds of gossip over a coffee and will be forgotten about as soon as the post arrives through the letterbox.
Given this new found reality, now explain to me why you give a shit about what anyone else thinks dear!?
Live your life for you, then you are the only person you can disappoint because, lets face it, you'll end up feeling more like a failure for not having the guts to go and try than trying and deciding its not for you.
3. Fear of The Embarrassment of it Not Working Out.
"Yep, still single!", you grind through smiling gritted teeth, why do coupled up people always become so condescending and the next dating guru as soon as they change their Facebook status. Bitch; Please!
Don't forget I was there the night you were crying into your wine about Peter or Paul or whats-his-face!? And I'll be there again if this pretenscious sack of shit ever catches you curled up in your three day old pjs scoffing ice cream as opposed to protein balls in your Gymshark Gym gear! Harsh but you get my drift.
Be health conscious by all means, but do it for you, not for attention and not so that someone else likes you! That pretense has to fall sometime and when it does, wouldn't you rather know "He Just Wasn't That Into Me!" rather than "Well, I suppose finding out my workout routine involves M&Ms as a reward for every sit up was always going to be a struggle for him and his fitfam self!"
So, swipe Tindr, create a Plenty of Fish, join something you love to do and have fun. Go on 2 dates in one evening with guys you're not really sure about or that don't fit your boxes; ironically you may surprise yourself by falling for someone worthwhile, who wasn't what you were expecting but that you were real from the start with. Funnily enough, it's easier to be yourself around people when you haven't pretended to be something else all along, and they'll probably end up loving you for it! God it's a crazy world we live in isn't it!
Bottom Line; if it doesn't work out you can hold your head up even higher because you tried it, and you were authentic!
"Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of somebody else." - Judy Garland.
4. Fear of your Ex's words being True!
What if.... it was me? Or what if he was just a Grade A Ass!? Whatever fears you have that it was your fault the relationship broke down, here's what you do; find your most straight talking friend and listen to ALL the home truths that girl/fella can give you! They are your lifeline here because...
Firstly, if there was anything you did to sabotage it, they'll bullet point that shit for you and give it to you on a post it!
Secondly, if you really couldn't have avoided it and it was a wrong fit; "Square peg, Round hole" The Holiday job, then they will also be the friend to inform you categorically what a disaster that was and how you should never repeat that again!
Listen to these friends because the himmers and hawwers, and the "it'll be alright chick-ers" are useless to you when repairing your confidence.
Bottom Line; If theres elements of truth in what your ex has said to you; accept it and make changes that benefit your life.
If there's not a scrap of evidence to support any of his claims, get onto youtube, blast Little Mix and give a mother - f**king 'Shout Out to My Ex'.
5. Fear of Failure and arriving back at Square One!
"So what if he/she is a CatFish, I'll just have wasted all that time for nothing, is it really worth it?" I hear you ask, the short answer is Abso -fuckin - lutely!
"Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game!" Babe Ruth.
The first time we have our heart broken is Horrific, categorically un-apologetically gut wrenching-ly Horrific! However, the human body and mind is a beautiful thing because we are programmed to forget and move on from heart ache (until it rears its ugly head again), the beauty of this is that we can pin point exactly the mistakes we made previously and try, try, again!
Square One is awesome in terms of logicality and location because in all honesty, when you've hit Rock Bottom, The only way is up! Baby! ;)
Second Half - That Grind Though!
1. What if people don't like it? Laugh at me?
And what if people love it? The trick to human nature is we have free will to choose what we like and don't like. Yes we can be swayed by fashion and trends but deep down we know what we like.
If people laugh at you for trying they are probably put out by the FACT little 'ole you has more balls than them to give it a go!
I'm certainly not immune, no one is. It took me 3 months to upload beautiful professional photos in case people would laugh at me or worse! - Think I had notions about myself! (see point 4 :P)
Funniest part of this whole anxiety train was that as soon as I had uploaded the first few photos I started getting such lovely messages of support from people who knew me, people who didn't, past clients, current clients; it was amazing! And spurred me on to just Go For It!
Ironically, people tend not to bother paying you for something they don't think you're good at. Therefore if you have tried to do something or started a venture that people seem to be responding to, keep going!
Build it and they will come!
2. But no one else has done it!
Every morning you wake up, you look in the mirror, who's there? YOU! Not anybody else, but you! That's why no one else has done it yet, because they haven't figured out a good way of doing it or they haven't thought of it yet.
Whether its Spanx or the inventor of dull callers (yes they are a thing!) The reason the inventors of these products are now millionaires and billionaires is because they saw no one else had done it and took it as a challenge to achieve what no one else had so far. Now their products are distributed world wide and household names.
Fear is the craziest thing because once we conquer it once, its gone for good! What's the worst that could happen? It doesn't work out? Some of the handiest inventions ever made were made by accident, while someone was trying to achieve something else entirely. Penicillin, the pace maker and corn flakes were all accidents that we couldn't dream of living without today!
Go For It!
3. But EVERYONE else has done it!
I re-iterate - YOU are you! There is no one else quite like you and your thoughts, beliefs, ideas and feelings.
Stay true to yourself, make sure to use your gut instinct and create something you want to, something you'd find interesting rather than the masses if that appeals to you better.
The key is persistence, commit and follow through. If you want to create a new product, devote time to it every day, stay focused, stay positive, stay realistic.
Make it your own and look to the future! I invested time and as much of my cash as I could afford, with help from family and friends in my dream and its paying off! Am I a millionaire yet? No but I'm slowly but surely forging my way among the "Keeping it Real" people on social media, putting my work out there to be scrutinized and miraculously, people like it!
So what if everyone is a blogger or vlogger now, put your own spin on it, make it your own, be true to yourself and you're away in a hack before you know it!
"You're one of a kind, I give you my word!" - Johnny and the Sprites.
4. What if people think I've notions about myself and ridicule me?
Did you ever play dress up and pretend to be a prince/princess or wish you were the long lost member of The Spice Girls? Yep, because we all did!
Truth is, deep down we all have 'notions' about ourselves and we are quite right to do so. We are a one of a kind and if we can't make the most out of our life, no one else is going to do that for you.
Besides, anyone who gossips about another maliciously (and watch yourself here that you don't fall into this trap) is not living in the moment and enjoying their own life. We need to all help each other to grow and build our empires rather than be ready to tear someone down for trying something different. absolutely no point in that because your end game is flawed then.
How are you ever going to win if you have no competition by tearing others down? And secondly, you will then be forced to realize the only real competition any of us have is against ourselves, so in that regard, it was pointless tearing down those others to get here to just compete with yourself, now wasn't it?
"Successful people build eachother up. They motivate, inspire and push each other. Unsuccessful people just hate, blame and complain." - Anon.
5.What if it fails? What if?
There are so many ways to fail, but only one way to succeed; NEVER GIVE UP!" - Johni Pangalila
Any success story you know in any industry, there are always people whom their main talent was never giving up, continuing, perseverance, consistency.
Do it, feel it, be it, believe in it, live for it, push it, try it, achieve it! You can do anything you set your mind to, and as I've said before, no one else knows what you're made of apart from you; and that's what makes you powerful my friend.
Bottom Line Beauties is this; The rule is; there are no rules! The best thing you can do for yourself is:
FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!
' "What if I fall?" Oh, but my darling, What if you fly!' - Erin Hanson.
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Until Next Week,
Light, Love, Live,